Generations

Elizabeth Viljoen

by Elizabeth Viljoen. 

One of our sons thinks it would be best not to have pets for a while, because he plans to travel far and wide. The other one plans to have as many cats and hamsters as he can afford. I’m allergic to both.

Sometimes we don’t understand the motives behind our parents’ actions. Sometimes we do understand them, but are rebellious. At other times we have a totally different worldview, and deliberately do things differently.  I made some choices because I couldn’t agree with some of my parents’ ideas about life. They also consciously made some changes based on the perceived mistakes of previous generations. Some of the changes were wise, some not (I’m now speaking for myself). Some of the changes were necessary, some not. As I grow older, and a little – only a little – wiser, I reflect more on the good things they have taught me. I love it when I read how we should raise children, only to be reminded that my parents did exactly those things in an era when few parents thought it necessary (like music lessons).

Always watching over the boys

Many people will tell you to do something, but then do the opposite. Most of what I’ve learned from my parents happened through observation, not because they’ve told me to do the same. My parents taught me to be involved in the community. That’s the only way to bring about change (or preserve the status quo). I’m not necessarily involved in the same kinds of activities as they used to be, but I’ve learned to be involved when it mattered to me. I’ve learned not to be a complaining spectator when I should be an involved participant.

My parents never used harsh language or derogative terms. They’ve taught me to exercise regularly, but not to overdo it. They’ve taught me to eat small portions of food, and to have regular and balanced meals. They used their money – even in difficult times – to educate us, the extended family, and the people who worked for them. They’ve taught me to be a scholar for life. Even during my rebellious phase I loved learning new things. They’ve taught me that family matters. They’ve taught me that birthdays matter. They had never made a big deal of our birthdays (no one jumped on beds or blew trumpets to wake us or gave us cake for breakfast), but we always celebrated it with friends and family and small, thoughtful gifts. More than that, they used to phone every family member on their birthdays – for me it is more important to be remembered than to celebrate in a grand fashion. These days they restrict it to us, their siblings and their spouses (still a number to be reckoned with). They loved their occupations, even when quite demanding. Sometimes they had to sacrifice their own preferences to help the other one, but then they did it without complaining. Oh, wait – I’ve never learned to do that, but I observed it.

I know that my animal loving son will love some of what we’ve done. I’m grateful that he can speak his mind, and that he has a great sense of humour. I’m also grateful that the other son loves animals, but is able to distinguish seasons – that there is a time to have pets, and a time to be travelling; a time to have a home, and a time to be on the road. I’m also grateful that I can tell my parents about the things I appreciate, and how much I love them for that.

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Tags: Adolescence, Editor's Note, Elizabeth Viljoen, family, Generations, home, Humour, lead by example, Learning, love, observe, Parents, Pets, Seasons, serve, Teacher, The Poetry of Being, travel